Take a thorough inventory of your life, and turn the inventory into an offering. Acknowledge before God that it is all a gift. It is temporary. It is purposeful. It is intentional. We are meanwhile stewards of it all (not possessors). Hold it all up before God with open palms, not clenched fists.
-Br. Curtis Almquist
Siouxsie & the Banshees – Fear (of the Unknown)
This beautiful suggestion forces me to account for the steady undercurrent of my life – fear. Strains of fear manifest in any number of ways. One need not be hunkered down in a foxhole in a state of seige to be afraid. Often the limits we place upon our selves are rooted in fear. A grip which is too tight or too controlling is likewise often a manifestation of some form of fear. For me, that is where my biggest barriers are found. I think I have very carefully created a fortress around my life. And this has been constructed for years and years. There are plenty of passages to and from, but the gateways may be narrow, or subtle enough that one must know their way around me (and thus, the walls of the fortress) to be able to come and go. I am sure I am not alone in this – everyone has some version of this in their life, unique to each one. This meditation provides an invitation to take stock of this tendency. Our fears need not swell to dominant proportions. Measured carefully, our fears can helps us constrcut a life which suits who we truly are. They are spots of sensitivity along our pathway, helping us carve out what works and does not work for us. But we must do periodic inventories of our beings. Doing so not only checks those fears we have, it also enables us to revisit the blessings present in life, and be grateful for them, and perhaps even awed by them. My fears morph into anxiety which then cause me to just lower my head and plow forth. This may get a task done, but it also serves to constrict my life and exhaust possibilties and joy along the way. It makes an abundant life seem limited. And so this meditation causes me to pause a little longer today. I will accept this invitation to exhale and be grateful for all there is in my life. And I will do so without allowing myself to add in the “yeah, but…”. Today, I will just be grateful and observe what is present. And already, I feel more grateful. And more peace. This track is one of my favorite songs from Siouxsie and the Banshees. It speaks to where this meditation took me.
Aware of what will hurt you
You’re prepared to remain this way
So sad yet safe with your afflictions
Afraid to start a brand new day